Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
