i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
