So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
