Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
