life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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