the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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