I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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