what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
