its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
