drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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