I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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