I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
