it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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