Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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