I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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