i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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