1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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