my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh god it's open bar.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
