is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are the jesus of drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
