quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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