Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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