At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just invented taco cereal.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
