when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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