Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
