he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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