I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
