You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
