Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
