I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
