Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
