after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
