I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
