Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
