My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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