i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
