i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
