using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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