I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
that's an acceptable place to lick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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