I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
