omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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