So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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