Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
