thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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