I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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