I am spending my child support on dildos
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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