I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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