just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize