Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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