I'm jealous of your bromance
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I understand Curling. That high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
