Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
