Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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