after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize