Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
