is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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