he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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