i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
