im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
