The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
