i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I supernannyed him into submission
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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