Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
