20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
