my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
