I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
