I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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