Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
