Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
