We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
