I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
