OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
