There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
