He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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