i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i think my cat just said my name.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
