Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
