Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I need moral support for this bender
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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