Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize